


Visiting Family

by BleachStuck415



Series: Exorcist Cram Crew [4]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Anniversary, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Unreliable Narrator, brothers being brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-19 13:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleachStuck415/pseuds/BleachStuck415
Summary: The chill of winter has slipped away, leaving a gentle spring breeze, when Rin and Yukio step through big iron gates – cold enough to warrant a jacket but not a thick coat. Flowers are beginning to open up along the paths, and trees are starting to bloom. The sky is slightly overcast, but sunlight filters through. From above, birds sing and take flight.It’s been a year and spring has started.Rin visits as often as he can, but with everything that’s been going on lately he hasn’t had much of a chance. He likes to bring Kuro with him – he knows the sidhe misses Shiro as much as he does. It’s rare that Rin and Yukio visit together, but today calls for it.It’s been a year and Rin still regrets everything.





	Visiting Family

**Author's Note:**

> This is my complete piece for the Blue Exorcist Seasonally Blue Zine! I got assigned to the spring season, and this is what my little goblin hands typed out. 
> 
> The zine is completely free to download. I hope you will take the time to download it and enjoy my fellow creator's work. It was a lot of fun to work along side them and bounce ideas back and forth!
> 
> The tumblr page: [[here]](https://seasonallybluezine.tumblr.com)  
> The twitter page: [[here]](https://twitter.com/SeasonallyBlue)  
> And the download link: [[here]](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oxxRR6Xa3DwE9LNHRyb_qnUo8nhjzUel/view?usp=drivesdk)

Rin doesn't show up for class one morning.

Izumo doesn't think anything of it at first; it's Bon who brings up the fact that his demon heritage should make him immune to illness. It gets even weirder when Yukio doesn't show up either, Shura taking his place at the front of the classroom.

"Where are the Okumuras?" Shima is the one who bites the bullet and asks the question on everyone’s minds.

"You don't know what day it is?" Shura questions, surprised.

"What's going on?" Shiemi asks, her tone confused and apprehensive. Everyone leans forward in their seats, tense.

Shura begins to look awkward. It's an unusual expression Izumo doesn't like to see on her face. "It's a year ago today that their father died."

 

The chill of winter has slipped away, leaving a gentle spring breeze, when Rin and Yukio step through big iron gates – cold enough to warrant a jacket but not a thick coat. Flowers are beginning to open up along the paths, and trees are starting to bloom. The sky is slightly overcast, but sunlight filters through. From above, birds sing and take flight.

It’s been a year and spring has started.

Rin visits as often as he can, but with everything that’s been going on lately he hasn’t had much of a chance. He likes to bring Kuro with him – he knows the sidhe misses Shiro as much as he does. It’s rare that Rin and Yukio visit together, but today calls for it.

It’s been a year and Rin still regrets everything.

 

"Their father?” Shiemi mumbles.

“You don’t mean Satan?” Shima says, confused.

“No,” Konekomaru cuts in softly as Shura opens her mouth to answer. “No. She means Fujimoto Shiro.”

“ _Oh._ ” Suddenly, Izumo understands _everything_.

 

“You never told me,” Yukio begins quietly, his hands buried in his jacket pockets and his gaze kept firmly upon the gravestone before them. “What actually happened that night.”

Sometimes Rin wishes his brother didn’t crave knowledge so much. It makes it so hard for him to keep his shame hidden and buried deep, where he can try - and almost succeed - to forget about it. But Yukio wouldn’t be Yukio if he didn’t pursue what he wants so intensely, and Rin has never been able to deny him anything. He’s the elder brother, after all – he’s supposed to take care of him.

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself; then he opens his mouth and explains the biggest mistake of his life.

Yukio listens silently, not taking his eyes away from the gravestone.

When Rin finishes speaking, he is met with nothing – only the sound of the spring breeze rustling leaves can be heard.

Finally, Yukio turns to face him. His face doesn’t show anger or rage like Rin had feared, but instead seems confused.

“He... hit you?” Yukio asks, his eyebrows furrowed together.

“Yeah,” Rin answers quietly, his hand lifting unconsciously to rest on his face. There’s no mark (and there never was – his demon heritage made sure of that) but his cheek stings with phantom pain just at the mention of it. “I told him I hated him. I deserved it.”

“And then Satan took control.”

“Yeah.” Rin’s hand drops back to his side.

Understanding suddenly spreads across his face, as if Rin’s words had made something _click_ within his mind. “ _Oh_ ,” he murmurs.

“What?” Rin asks, confused. Whatever Yukio had just realised about their dad’s death, he wants to know.

Yukio reaches out and presses one of his hands to Rin’s shoulder. “Rin it- it wasn’t your fault.”

“What?” Rin breathes. He suddenly understands nothing. All he feels is confusion, mixed in with the familiar sensation of self-hatred.

Yukio’s other hand grasps for Rin’s shoulder now, too. “It _wasn’t your fault._ ” His tone is almost desperate - as if he needs Rin to know this or he’ll have failed as a brother.

Rin just blinks at Yukio in response, dumbfounded. What the fuck is he supposed to say to that? He was _there_ , he _knows_ what he did. Rin knows what happened better than Yukio does, considering he’s only just told Yukio, whereas he was _right there_.

Yukio’s expression becomes pained. He drags Rin in by his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, and _damnit_ Yukio knows Rin loves it when he initiates hugs.

Rin hugs back instantly, sinking into the warm embrace of one of his brother’s rare hugs.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Yukio says again, quieter.

“Okay,” Rin murmurs into his shoulder. He doesn’t believe what Yukio is saying, but he isn’t up for arguing about it right now.

Eventually, they pull apart. They stand side by side as they gaze down at the grave, silent and reflecting.

Rin has always hated graveyards – the whole concept is morbid and dark. It’s a way to deal with grief and work through your own feelings but he’d never had one to work through his mum’s death. He and Yukio processed it through Dad and stories – or at least what little information Dad had ever given about her. Rin has always dealt with his grief personally and with other people at his side – not by standing in front of a stone with the person in question buried six feet beneath him.

But then again, Rin has never had someone so close to him die before. He had never known his mum – he didn’t really have anything to mourn besides the fact that she was so glaringly obviously missing. Fujimoto Shiro was different – he meant everything to Rin, and to Yukio.

Standing here now, in front of his dad’s grave, Rin is grateful for it. He remembers growing up, he remembers the Big Important things. But he’s starting to forget the little parts. What did his laughter sound like when he was trying to supress it? Was it a chuckle hidden behind a hand, or more of an exhale? Rin knows Shiro Fujimoto wore glasses, but what colour were they? Where they pitch black entirely, or were they that dark grey colour just a shade before it? Rin can’t _remember_ and he hates it.

Having the grave makes it easier, Rin supposes. He can channel his grief in one place instead of having it be aimless (he could aim his grief at the monastery – at the place where Dad laid dying on the floor taken over by a monster in the middle of a disaster that Rin had helped cause-)

Something in Yukio’s hand crinkles when he moves it, and suddenly Rin remembers the flowers they had brought.

He reaches for the bucket and dipper he’d placed on the floor upon their arrival. Without exchanging words, the twins know what to do. Rin starts to scrub down the grave of any built-up dirt, while Yukio gets to work on pulling out any weeds or moss. When that’s finished, Yukio moves off to empty the old flowers and collect fresh water for their new ones as Rin pours water over the top of the stone.

When Yukio returns, the brothers work together to divide the flowers between the pots before lighting incense.

With that done, they take a step back. In unison, they press their hands together and dip their heads in a silent prayer, their eyes slipping closed. Rin hasn’t kept up with Christianity since he was in middle school. He doesn’t remember most of the prayers and stories Dad used to read to him or have him sing. Exorcist school should probably make his memory better than this, but he’s never been good at memorising long paragraphs – Dad would know and understand that, Rin thinks.

Rin tries his best, though. ‘Lord be gracious to him, and give him peace. Amen.’ It’s not the whole verse – not even a complete prayer, really. But it is enough. It says exactly what Rin wants it to, mostly. ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ is something Rin thinks about adding on but eventually decides to skirt around. Today is supposed to be about Dad – thinking about any more of his own guilt would ruin that.

When Rin’s eyes open, he finds Yukio has already finished his own prayer and is looking at him with an odd expression.

“What?” Rin asks.

“He never hit me, you know,” Yukio says quietly, startling the fuck out of Rin. “Even with all the training he put me through, no matter how badly I messed up, he never raised a hand to me.”

“So?” Rin questions. He wasn’t expecting this kind of a conversation at all today. “Maybe you never deserved it.”

Yukio is silent for a moment. “It wasn’t you saying you hated him that made his concentration slip,” he says eventually. “It was him slapping you. He regretted it instantly.”

And- well. What the fuck is Rin supposed to think about that? He can see why that would make sense to Yukio – the pieces all connect together in his own head too, now that Yukio has put all the pieces there for him to find.

Even so, Yukio- he wasn’t _there_. He didn’t see what Rin did. He didn’t _feel_ what Rin did.

Yukio doesn’t have to remember Dad’s face or the feel off shock and horror, at both at himself and the situation. He won’t ever have to live with the feeling of guilt and self-hatred that Rin does. He remembers how it felt to watch Dad’s expression slip into one of fear and then panic; watch _something else_ take over Dad’s entire being – the anguish and the pain and the _panic_. Yukio will never have to feel that disgusting realisation Rin had when he understood what had happened and what he’d done to cause it and to see everything snap into his awareness – what he should have done and what he could have _not_ done that would’ve gotten them both out alive.

Yukio can’t ever expect to understand.

Rin looks away from his brother, his gaze drifting back to the gravestone. His eyes trace the letters as Yukio’s words and his memories run through his head. He wants more than anything to believe Yukio – wants to be able to believe that his words and his actions didn’t lead to Dad dying. But the fact of the matter is that Dad had been able to keep Satan back for years before then – if Rin hadn’t been with him, then Satan would’ve never been able to worm his way in.

At Rin’s side, Yukio lets out a soft sigh. He always has been the smartest of the two – he can probably tell what Rin’s thinking.

“We can talk about it later,” he says, and Rin finds himself nodding.

“Okay.” He turns to glance at Yukio’s face.

Yukio’s expression is unusually grey as he gazes at Dad’s grave, his eyebrows furrowed and the corners of his lips down. Rin hates it – hates that Yukio’s mood was caused by him. He wants it to change, so he takes action.

He reaches his arms in Yukio’s direction, his lower lip protruding a little. Yukio stares at him for a moment, expression blank. Rin’s fingers open and close in the universal gesture of ‘come here!’ and Yukio sighs again before stepping forward and wrapping him in a hug. Before their late father’s grave, the two brothers embrace.

Rin isn’t okay; he might not be for some time. Yukio isn’t either. They lost their parents too soon and coped with it badly.

Luckily, they have each other – something they’ve finally realised.

As they return to their dorm, Rin realises that they have their friends, too.

Waiting outside the abandoned dorms that had slowly become a home to Rin and Yukio is _everybody_. Shiemi is sitting in the grass, braiding flowers into a frowning but content Izumo’s hair. Bon is leaning against the wall by the door, his arms crossed, seemingly focused on Konekomaru waving his hands while he talks. Shima sneaks up behind Bon and yells, startling him. Konekomaru shakes his head in exasperation at their antics, even though he’d watched Shima sneak up and had done nothing to warn Bon.

It feels Rin with a feeling of contentment, seeing them all like this – they’re waiting for Rin and Yukio to return, voluntarily giving their free time to them. Rin, who has never had friends before True Cross Academy, is grateful for them, especially on Shiro’s anniversary. Grinning, he looks at Yukio, and he can tell from the expression on his face that Yukio feels the same way.

As Rin’s eyes move back to his classmates, he finds himself thinking _i’m home_.

**Author's Note:**

> >dabs hard<
> 
> What a Wild Ride hsjsksmsnxjdjd. 
> 
> Please consider dropping me a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed it!


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